Murder My Misery: Self-discovery through Christ.

Good morning,

I started this journal to document my journey to Christ and to see how I’m growing in emotional intelligence and self-control. Lately, I’ve been searching for more meaning in life and hoping to grow both spiritually and emotionally. After going through some personal struggles, I felt inspired to get closer to God and better understand myself. I want this journal to help me see my progress and think about the lessons I learn along the way. Now, I’m ready to begin with the morning devotionals.

My first devotional book is “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. It belonged to my late mother-in-law. I found it, still new, in her closet after she passed away. I’m not usually sentimental, but knowing it was hers and that I get to use it now brings me comfort. I’m surprised by how emotional this makes me. I want to cry. I miss her. She could really get on my nerves sometimes, but I truly miss her and wish she were still here. Writing about these feelings helps me process the waves of grief when they come. Some days, the loss feels as raw as ever. On other days, good memories return, reminding me of how much she meant to me, even during our hardest moments. Turning to faith and reflection brings me some peace when things are tough. This journal is becoming a place where I can face my feelings honestly and, hopefully, find some healing.

Letting these feelings out is an important part of this journey. Sitting with grief is never easy, but I know it’s part of healing and finding meaning. After I take a deep breath, I feel a little more at peace and ready to refocus. Now that I’ve shared this, I’ll return to the devotional and keep moving forward.

Today’s devotional talked about how God stays the same every day, and the changes I feel are not from Him, but from me. I’ve honestly known this for a long time, but reading it this morning made it feel more real to me. I have always felt like my emotions were a flag, waiting for the wind to dictate what I feel and how strongly. I am not going to do it anymore. I am not going to let myself shift like the sand; I want to be strong and steady like a rock.

*Sing 90’s Chevy theme song here.*

This devotional has also taught me that the distance I feel between myself and God is by my own doing. He does not and will not ever leave; it’s me who left him. This statement brings me to my next devotional reading of the day.

“From Faith to Faith” by Kenneth & Gloria Copeland

Hold on to your butts because this one may be a lot longer! Sorry in advance! LOL

This devotional was very enlightening because it points out that, as humans, we were given free will. We can choose two roads in life, Salvation Way or Destruction Boulevard. The choice is literally ours to make; God did not make it for you. You made the choice, now stop blaming God for the destruction that you chose! The great news is that you and I can get off Destruction Boulevard; all we have to do is call on the Lord, and He will save us. He will bring us back to Salvation way, but it’s our responsibility to stay there under His protection.

I saw a post on social media yesterday that basically said, “Instead of reacting, ask,’ What is this trying to teach me? “ And I really need to do this more often, too often I react instead of thinking. A lot of people say that it is an ADHD trait because our brains go into fight or flight mode. This may be true, but does that mean I can’t retrain my brain to react differently? I think I can, to be honest. Do you know who my Father is? He is the maker of Heaven and Earth! He spoke everything into existence, including me!

Well, darlings, that is my post for the morning. Hope it finds you well, and may you have a very blessed day or night, loves.